Blonde Scanning for a Virus

virus scan

Everyone is a Genius

everyone is genius

Top 25 World’s Shortest Books

Following is the list of world’s shortest books

  1. The Engineer’s Guide To Fashion
  2. Things I Wouldn’t Do For Money by Dennis Rodman
  3. Human Rights Advances In China
  4. The Differences Between Reality And Dilbert
  5. The Book Of Virtue by Bill Clinton
  6. To All The Men I’ve Loved Before Ellen DeGeneres
  7. My Plan To Find The Real Killers by OJ Simpson
  8. Strom Thurmond: Intelligent Quotes
  9. Al Gore: The Wild Years
  10. Amelia Earhart’s Guide To The Pacific
  11. Easy UNIX /* GCFL: come on! it’s not that difficult! 🙂 */
  12. Ethiopian Tips On World Dominance
  13. Everything Men Know About Women
  14. Everything Women Know About Men
  15. George Foreman’s Big Book Of Baby Names
  16. How to Sustain a Musical Career by Art Garfunkel
  17. Staple Your Way to Success
  18. The Amish Phone Book
  19. America’s Most Popular Lawyers
  20. Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
  21. Detroit – A Travel Guide
  22. Different Ways to Spell “Bob”
  23. Dr. Kevorkian’s Collection of Motivational Speeches
  24. French Hospitality
  25. Mike Tyson’s Guide to Dating Etiquette

You’re Growing Older When

You have three sizes of clothes in your closet …two of which you will never wear.

Your kids are becoming you, and you don’t like them. But your grandchildren are perfect!

Going out is good. Coming home is better!

When you needed the discount, you paid full price. Now, you get discounts on everything: movies, hotels, flights, but you don’t
feel like going to the trouble.

You forget names, but it’s OK because other people forgot they even know you!!!

The five pounds you wanted to lose is now fifteen and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the fifteen pounds.

You realize you’re never going to be really good at anything, especially golf.

Your husband is counting on you to remember things you don’t remember.

The things you cared to do, you don’t care to do, but you care that you don’t care to do them anymore.

Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than he does in bed. It’s called his “pre-sleep”.

Remember when your mother said, “Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident”? Now you bring clean underwear in case
you have an accident!

You used to say, “I hope my kids get married.” Now you say, “I hope they stay married!”

You miss the days when everything worked with just an “ON” and “OFF” switch.

You remember when Google, iPod, email, modem were unheard of and a mouse was something that made you climb on a table.

You now use more four-letter words ..”what?”…”when?”

Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it’s not safe to wear it anywhere.

Your husband has a night out with the guys but he’s home by 9:00 P.M. Next week it will be 8:30 P.M.

You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you’ve already read it.

Notice everything they sell in stores is “sleeveless”?

What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

Everybody whispers.

Now that your husband has retired, you’d give anything if he’d find a job!

But old is good in some things: old songs, old movies and best of all, OLD FRIENDS -if you can remember who they are!

The making of you

The making of you

Valentines Day Gifts

Valentines Day Gifts

Valentines Day in Stone Age

Valentines Day in Stone Age

Who is the best!

Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a phone call.

The other three were discussing their children while walking to the first tee.

“My son,” said one proudly, “has made quite a name for himself in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He’s so successful, in fact in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift.”

The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. “He’s so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift.”

The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, the three smugly tell him that they have been discussing how successful their progeny are, and ask what line of work his son is in.

“To tell the truth, I’m not very pleased how my son has turned out,” he replies. “For fifteen years, he’s been a hairdresser, and I’ve just recently discovered he’s gay.”

As the other three recoil in horror, he continues, “but on the bright side, he must be good at what he does, because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two new cars, and a big stock portfolio.”