Only in America

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Only in America…… can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in America…… are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

Only in America…… do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America…… do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.

Only in America…… do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America…… do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America…… do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

Only in America…… do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America…… do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.

Only in America…… do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Only in America

Two lawyers walking through the woods

Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear.

The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.

The second lawyer looked at him and said, “Are you crazy? You’ll never be able to outrun that bear!”

“I don’t have to,” the first lawyer replied. “I only have to outrun you.”

lawyer

I`m a WIFE

Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.

The first guy said, “I’m a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional.”

The second guy responded, “I’m a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids.”

They then asked the woman, “What are you?”

She replied: “I’m a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.”

wife