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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

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Two men are talking. The first sez, “I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing shabby clothes.”

“Amazing,” said the second, “I just got divorced for the very same reasons.”

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I’ve never been much on fashion, but got quite a few compliments on a new sports jacket I wore to work one day. My secretary asked me where I got it and I told her that it was a surprise from my wife. I went home early yesterday, and there it was, on the back of a kitchen chair.

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The husband, tired of a listless sex life came right out and asked his wife during a recent love-making session, “How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm ?”

She looked him right in the eye and said, “You’re never home !”

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A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Father asked, “Does this fellow have any money ?”

The daughter shook her head sadly. “Oh Daddy ! You men are all alike.” sighing deeply, she replied, “That’s exactly what he asked me about you.”

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A student engineer in the office got engaged some time ago. At her wedding, I was reminding her of the first day she wore her ring. None of the other women in the office even noticed.

Finally, in sheer and total exasperation, she said “Boy !!! It’s so warm in here today, I think I’ll take off my ring.”

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The pro quarterback was petitioning the court to have his recent marriage annulled. “On what grounds ?” questioned the Judge, “This court does not take annulments lightly.”

“Non-virginity,” replied the quarterback, “When I married her, I thought I was getting a tight end, but instead, I found that I had married a wide receiver.”