A termite walks into a bar room and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night… One was assaulted.
“Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.”
“Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.”
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
Why are proctologists so gloomy?
They always have the end in sight.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
What did the apple say to the orange?
Nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
What do you do with a dog that has no legs?
Take him out for a drag.
Why can’t a chicken coop have more than 2 doors?
Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.
Famous last words of a mafia hitman: “Who put the violin in the violin case?”
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.
What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A private tutor.
What do you call spending the afternoon with a cranky rabbit?
A bad hare day.
Have you ever seen an elephant hiding behind a flower?
That’s because he hides well.
What was the centerpiece of the annual Anorexia and Bulimnia sufferers convention?
A cake jumping out of a girl.
Where do kings keep their armies?
In their sleevies.
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of anty-bodies.