Archive for the 'Funny jokes' Category

Get married in Heaven

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heaven’s gate waiting on St.Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. […]

Retirement jokes: Do you remember?

A group of 40 year old buddies discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Excelsior restaurant because the waitress’s there have low cut blouses and nice breasts. 10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss […]

How bad is the economy

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America . Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned the names of their children. My cousin had an exorcism but couldn’t afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her! Women are having sex with their husbands/boyfriends because they can’t afford batteries. Jury Duty is now considered […]

Seven Degrees Of Blondes

FIRST DEGREE A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said “How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!” and hung up.. The husband asked, “Who was that?” The wife answered, “I don’t know, some woman […]

The Border Dispute

The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for generations. Mrs. Michaels, who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren. One […]

Political Science 101

DEMOCRATIC You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you. REPUBLICAN You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage […]

Blonde’s School Day

One day a blonde came home from school and came to her mother and said, “Hey, Mommy! Mommy! Today in school we learned to count. The other kids could only count to three but I can count to Ten….. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!” The mother responds, “Very good honey.” […]

The Fire Truck

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. She is wearing a fireman’s hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says “Hey […]