50 ways to fail an exam
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After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask him or her to work it out for you.
Answer the exam with the “Top Ten Reasons Why Professor (name) Sucks.”
Arrange a protest before the exam starts. You could threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone’s done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.
As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
At some point during the exam, start crying for mommy.
Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
Bring a musical instrument with you and play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, claim “it helps me think.” Bring a copy of the student handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don’t forget to use the phrase “Told you so”.
Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh gee, better get cracking,” and scribble furiously. Turn it in a few minutes early.
Bring a video game. Play with the volume at max level.
Bring a water pistol with you. Enough said.
Bring balloons, blow them up, and start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
Bring cheat sheets from another class (make sure this is obvious… like history notes for a calculus exam) and staple them to the exam, with the comment “Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit.”
Bring cheerleaders.
Bring pets.
Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
Bring things to throw at the instructor when she or he is not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
Come down with a bad case of Turet’s Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
Come in wearing a full knight’s outfit, complete with sword and shield.
Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling “I’m here, the phantom of the opera,” until they drag you away.
Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
Complete the entire exam in another language. If you don’t know one, make one up! For maths or science exams, try using Roman numerals.
Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).
Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
During the exam, take apart everything around you. This includes desks, chairs, and anything you can reach.
Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, and continue with the exam.
Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him or her in a very derogatory tone, “the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper.”
Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out “Merry Christmas.” If you’re really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to ‘Jeopardy’. Ignore the instructor’s requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to ‘The Bridge on the River Kwai’.
Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming “Andre, Andre, I’ve got the secret documents!”
Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, and telegrams sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, swear loudly and walk out triumphantly.
Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
If it is a math or science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer or essay exam, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
If the exam is maths or science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Work PI and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor’s left nostril.
On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example, write “I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs”. Be creative.
Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor and say “They’ve found me, I have to leave the country” and run off.
Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
Talk the entire way through the exam. Read the questions aloud and debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out sarcastically, “I’m so sure you can hear me thinking.” Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
Try to get people in the room to do the Mexican wave.
Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes in. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
Upon receiving the exam, look it over. While laughing loudly, say “you don’t really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? ‘Days of our Lives’ is on!”
Walk in, get the exam, and sit down. About five minutes into the exam, loudly say to the instructor, “I don’t understand any of this. I’ve been to every lecture this semester! What’s the deal? And who are you? Where’s the regular guy?”
Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
Wrestlemania.
Walk into the exam drunk off your ass. Claim you studied that way and showed up to every lecture tipsy or hung over, so you will do better in this condition. Begin throwing u half way through the exam.