Archive for 2011

Thanksgiving Forecast

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder. During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the […]

Bush, Einstein and Picasso

When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn’t let him in until he proved his identity. Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise. And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, “How do I know you’re Picasso?” Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces. […]

Fatherhood

Bar Jokes: Smart Monkey

A man walks in a bar with his pet monkey. He sits down and orders a drink, meanwhile the monkey is running around all over the place and jumps up on a pool table. He grabs the 8 ball, shoves it into his mouth and swallows it hole. “Holy crap!” says the bartender, completely livid. […]

Try to settle the dispute

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen’s eggs for breakfast. One day he looked outside and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman’s […]

Religion Jokes: Priests, Rabbi and Money

Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the circle God […]

Tower vs. Pilot

Tower: Hotel Papa Oscar climb four thousand to six thousand and maintain. Pilot: Hotel Papa Oscar, climbing flight level one-hundred. Tower: Negative, Hotel Papa Oscar, climb to flight level six-zero and maintain. Pilot: But four plus six equals ten, no? Tower: You’re to climb, not to add. Pilot: FLX three-zero, Tower, we’re running out of […]

Hey Boss! Need A Raise

Employee:  Excuse me sir, may I talk to you? Boss:  Sure, come on in. What can I do for you? Employee:  Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years. Boss:  Yes. Employee:  I won’t beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I […]