Archive for 2010

Seniors Texting Codes

ATD: At The Doctor’s BFF: Best Friend Farted BTW: Bring The Wheelchair BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth CBM: Covered By Medicare CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center DWI: Driving While Incontinent FWBB: Friend With Beta Blockers FWIW: Forgot Where I Was FYI: Found Your Insulin GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low! GHA: Got Heartburn […]

Best Surgeon in Texas

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.One of them said, “I’m the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.” One of the others said. […]

Christmas Spirit

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. “In honor of this Holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.” The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents […]

Blonde Diet and Exercise

A blonde woman is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.” When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor […]

Blonde 2010 Year in Review

January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…HELLOOO!…bottles won’t fit in printer. March – Got really excited…finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months….box said “2 – 4 years” April – Trapped on escalator for hours…power went out. May- Tried to […]

Short Blonde Jokes Collection XV

Q .. How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? A .. Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, “Daaady!” Q .. How do you get rid of blondes? A .. Form a circle, give each blonde a gun, and tell them they are a firing squad. Q .. […]

People Become Real Jerk When Drunk

Three guys are in a bar on the top of a cliff. The first guy says to the other guys “You know, if had just one more beer, I reckon I could fly.” The second guy says “No Way!” So the first guy orders a beer and drinks it. Then all three guys walk out […]

Presents for the wife

Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks. After a sip of his Martini, the doctor said, “You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn’t like the diamond ring, then […]