This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, ”What are you carrying?”
”Melons,” the blonde replies.
”Cool,” the guy says. “If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?”
The blonde giggles and says, ”If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them.”
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“Honey,” said this husband to his wife,
“I invited a friend home for supper.”
“What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven’t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!”
“I know all that.”
“Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”
“Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”
Two guys are in mental instituition.
One guy says, “Hey, I know how we can break out of here!”
The second guy says, “Oh yeah, how?”
The first guy says, “I’ve been thinking about really hard ever since I saw that big search light that goes around every night from the airport. Here is what we do. First, we steal a flashlight.”
The second guy says, “Hey, we don’t have to do that, I’ve got one here that my kids sent me!”
The first guy says, “Great, then meet me out in the courtyard, near the wall tonight, after everyone goes to bed.”
So they meet out by the wall after dark. The guy with the light asks the first guy. “Just how will this plan work?”
The first guy says, “It’s like this, you shine the light up on to the top of the wall. I’ll climb up the beam of light to the top. You throw up the light and I’ll shine the beam down for you to climb up. Okay?”
The second guy ponders the plan a second and then says, “Hey, just a minute. I know what you would do. I’d get you up on top of the wall and throw you up the light. Then, as I was half way up you’d turn off the light! Do you think I’m crazy or something?”
